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Today marks the 3rd year of us, if we were still together. 

Memories used to make me feel happier but now it just hurts even more every time I think back of us. I guess the only reason why I couldn't let go of this r/s was because we ended with no closure. You didn't took a single effort to explain anything to end it straight in my face, you coward. I hate how people just leave me hanging. I hate how you didn't let me learn the hard way to allow me to move on. I hate how I must do it on my own, to let myself learn the hard way. I hate how you dragged and held on to this r/s when all you did was giving up right now. Why didn't you ended everything earlier, why. After almost 3 f*cking years, when both of us invested so much in this r/s, you let it go. If we've left each other earlier we might have found someone more suitable. We weren't made for each other, but I loved you. You were nowhere  near what I was into but I accepted you because you were genuine, I thought you were back then. You chose to betray every single trust I had for you. You lost it all, you didn't even try to get back the trust. I've forgiven all your mistakes over and over again, to make myself believe that you'll never do it again but I was wrong. Each and every time when you repeated your mistake, it hurts me even deeper, questioning myself what did I do to make you hurt me so much. 

Everyone told me that we wouldn't be together for long, but hey look we've made it, at least half of what we'd expected. They told me to move on, give up, but I really just want someone to stop persuading me to give up because I really want this back. Loser much, holding on to something that is long gone. F*ck.

I guess nobody will ever truly feel how I'm feeling and its rather f*cked up that I couldn't figure out whatever's in me right now. It upsets me how I'm feeling something but I can never describe what's going on in my mind every single day. F*ck feelings/emotions. I don't want to feel a thing at all.